


Tumblr Prompts

by leoben



Category: due South
Genre: Crack, Deliberate Badfic, M/M, this shit will never be deleted from the internet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-03-25 11:29:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3808735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leoben/pseuds/leoben
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fic based on prompts sent to me or just prompts that inspired the badfic and crackfic part of me, which is most of me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love is a Medium-Rare Burger

**Author's Note:**

> This is in case my Tumblr gets deleted for some reason. Now my crack will live forever.

Part I

Fraser sat at the kitchen table with Ray looking on

“omg Ray this moose burger is soooo good,” Fraser moaned through bites. The sight was so tantalizing that Ray had to conceal his boner. 

But he was also touched in his heart because his lover was so happy about the food he created with his own two hands. Except the moose part.

PART II

“I-I’m so very glad you like the burger, Ben.” Ray blushed

Fraser groaned obscenely and took another bite, moose juice dripping onto his chin. Ray wanted to lick that juice up with his long snake-like tongue but he resisted the temptation. 

Oh what a world, where Ray would be content just to see his lovely partner eating the meal he cooked with such dedication, such passion. A tear came to his eye as he thought of how happy he was.


	2. Teddy Bear in a Drawer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: teddy bears and porn

Ray lay back on the sofa with his teddy bear, crying over his last fight with Fraser. Because they got so mad at each other and punched each other but then they made up but still, it made Ray’s heart hurt like someone stabbed it with the sharpest needle ever made

“OIh Teddy,” Ray whispered. “Why doesn’t he find me sexually attractive and/or love me like a thousand suns?” Teddy just stared back at him with his vacant bear eyes. Ray sighed, his soul dripping with sadness.

I guess it’s time for some porno, since nothing else in my life is good. He hid Teddy in a drawer so he wouldn’t hear the sexy sounds emanating from his television set and stuck his hands in his tight pants “oh yeah,” he said, watching the porno mounties fuck each other senseless. “yeah, that’s right, stick your sword in his sheath” 

all of a sudden, he heard a loud knock on his door. Ray sighed deeply but ignored it. “yeah!” he moaned. “get it!” 

suddenly the door opened. Oh no! Ray had completely forgotten he had given Fraser his spare key. And now he stood there, staring at Ray with want and need. 

“I’m sorry to presume, but I heard you watching Two Mounties and a Dildo and well, I put two and two together.” 

Ray smiled the biggest he’s ever smiled and patted the couch for Fraser to join him. 

What a good day it was.


	3. Pun Me a River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Your OTP is spooning when person A is about to fall asleep and person B then quietly whispers a pun into their ear.”

Ray had his arm curled around Fraser, fingers splayed across his chest. He could hear the slowing breathing of the other as he delved into the haunting and lonely world known as Dreamland. 

He wanted to be the last one Fraser heard before he faded temporarily from this harsh world, so he pressed his lips to Fraser’s neck before whispering in his ear, breath hot. He had to think of something beautiful, and fast. 

“Frase. I know you’re the Mountie, but maybe later you could be the Mountee,” he whispered suggestively.

Fraser fell into the other world, reveling in the rich feeling of a thick and hot detective cock in his ass.


	4. Santa Comes to Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fraser plays Santa 
> 
> (This is an old prompt (not sure what the prompt even is) from my Tumblr from Jan 2013)

Fraser hoisted Ray up onto his lap and whispered huskily into his ear.

“So, Ray,” he started as he ran his hand up Ray’s thigh. “Have you been naughty or nice this year?”

Ray groaned and nuzzled Santa Fraser’s sexy beard. “I’m afraid I’ve been very naughty.”

Fraser laughed deeply. “Well, usually I give a lump of coal to the naughty boys and girls but I think you deserve an _extra_ punishment.”

“Oh,” Ray said, giggling low in his throat. “What did you have in mind?”

Fraser bit Ray’s ear and whispered back, glancing at Stella in her sexy elf costume. “You’ll find out soon enough. Unless of course,” he nodded at Stella. “You have any _objections_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearing out my old fics on Tumblr. Please remember this is crack. (Get it? Objections? Because she's a lawyer???)


	5. Just a Little Sniffle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Wagnetic's prompt: Fraser gets awful hay fever  
> Written June 2015

“ACHOO!” Fraser sneezed. “ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! _**A-CHOO!!!!**_ ” He sneezed. He blew his nose. He also rubbed his eyes because they were itchy. “ACHOO!” He sneezed.

“Frase you should go home,” said Ray.

“I’m fi-fi—ACHOO! Fine, Ray.”

“I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be out catching bad guys right now.”

Just then a criminal came along and Fraser ran to tackle him. He grabbed his gun but then…he…”ACHOO!” which made him accidentally pull the trigger and shoot the criminal in the stomach.

“Oh, dear,” said Fraser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently Fraser has a gun at this time (??)


End file.
